Thursday, June 16, 2005
` Thursday, June 16, 2005
My paternal grandmother passed on yesterday, or rather, the news came from my aunt who was at the hospital around 12.30am early Thursday morning. I just had coffee with 2 friends earlier that night, telling them about my grandmother being critically ill with pneumonia and other ailments, evidently suffering from the ravages of the disease due to a poor immune system after being placed in the hospital. She had been battling for her life for the past 4 days, and the doctor was evidently pragmatic about her condition when relaying the news to the family. It was going to be one of these days, her cryptic reply was.She was 81, and had lost a significant amount of weight eversince the last time I saw her, that being eons ago. Due to some irreconcilable family differences, my parents chose the painful decision not to stay in contact with her, although my brother and sister-in-law paid yearly visits out of respect and duty. She was subsequently placed in elderly care in her twillight years, and my aunts and cousins visited her often. However, her mental condition had started to deteriorate with age, to the extent that she was unable to recognise many familiar faces, and I believe that it must have been a tremendously trying time for the care-givers and family around her.
Talking about it with my friends made me realise that perhaps I am someone actually capable of turning myself into a person devoid of emotions when necessary. To me, it is crystal clear why some things happen the way they do, although I accept that no human was born with the intention of hurting or not feeling for another, except when they condition themselves to do so. In this instance, there is no stirring in me to trigger any form of feeling as a result of what happened. It does disturb me to a certain extent, but I do feel for the rest of the family, who have all become strangers gathered together in a long time, possibly because there was a responsibility to do so.
Anyway, what's happened cannot be undone, and I should take the advice to let bygones be bygones, and try to envisage what my grandmother had gone through in her life to be able to empathise with her. After all, she was my grandmother.
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